Tuesday, February 5, 2019

the evidence of love

Me: The euphoria have been feeling from the plethora of felicitations have been receiving since I emerged as the winner of Mr. Coolval.
Mercy: Hehe, emeritus have come again o… easy with your big grammers (laughing)
Me: And Miss Mercy is here again with her hyping praises (smirking)
Mercy: Is you that sabi, so how are you going to celebrate your win for me?
Me: Are you not the one who is supposed to give me flowers to celebrate my victory?
Mercy: Indeed! Once again congrajubilations (smiling)
Me: Thanks a lot. Lest I forget, I have something to talk to you about.
Mercy : And what could that be?
Me: Its about your friend Vivian (sheepish smile)
Mercy: What about her? You wan catch new fish abi?
Me: Welll, you are kinda right (rolling eyes). I actually liked her from the very first moment I saw her
Mercy: Why not go for her then? You didn’t need to ask me about her (arms akimbo)
Me: Mercy baby, you suppose to understand that I need a link to connect to that babe na 
Mercy: Ele (low scream) you sre not serious (laughing) don’t worry, I will see what I can do about it
Me: That’s the reason I love you (blows kisses to the air)
Mercy : O gbadun, I have to go now Ele, I will see you some other time okay?
Me: Sure! And please don’t forget the thing you promised to do for me.
Mercy: Like say you pay me ba?
Me: Mercy na
Mercy: Don’t worry, I promise (Heads to the door then stops abruptly looking back at Ele) an idea just struck my mind
Me: And what could that be?
Mercy: Come to our church on Sunday, Vivian also attends it. From there, I’ll take care of the rest.
Me: But you know too well that I stopped attending church about two years ago (frowning)
Mercy: Then you don’t want Vivian
Me: Okay, I will come
Mercy: See you in Church on Sunday
 woke up on Sunday morning all smiles. I had iron my well starched suit and trousers yesterday. I checked the time and it was still some minutes after 5am. I swept my room, then proceeded to cook rice and chicken stew. I ate so well like it was my last meal on earth. I cleared my plate, wen to bath and returned to my room to get dressed. I sprayed the new perfume I got yesteerday in every part of my body. I started singing a popular Christain song with joy:
This is the day that the Lord as made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
Oh this is the day
Another day that the Lord has made
God punish devil! How will I not rejoice when Mercy was going to hook me up with one of the hottest chick I have seen in recent memory. The thought of finally being friends with my one month old crush felt like a visa to Planet Mars for me.
I went to my box to bring out my Bible which havent seen the light of the day for months. I dusted it with cloth because Vivian must not see me with such a badly kept Bible. I took my phone, came out of my room and lock my doors. My neighbours looked at me in surprise because they have never seen me wake up this early on Sunday, talk less of going to church.
Wale: Mr. Ele (he screamed with surprises all over his face)
Me: Calvary greetings to you my brother (smiling sheepishly)
Wale: This is not the Ele I know. Everybody come and see, Ele the great atheist is going to church
(my compound mates started trouping out)
Sandra: Ewooo… my Ele must have been possessed
Rhoda: I think he must have met Jesus on his way to Damascus
Segun: Na babe Ele dey go meet for such juur
All my compound mates seems to have various reasons of their own for my strange behaviour but I just smiled on throughout amd didn’t care.
Me: Bethrens, I will see you after church, I don’t want to go late
They opened their mouths in awe as I walked passed them singing:
Satan commot for road o, I be Holy Ghost fire
I no get break o, I be Holy Ghost fire
Jesus na bigi man
Jesus na bigi man
Who no one colour small boy
Satan na smallie man, satan na smallie man
E go burn forever for hell fire
I arrived at church some minutes after 8am and met them praying. Prayer was the one thing I detest the most. I had no choice but to join them. I looked around to locate either Mercy or Vivian but couldn’t locate any. By 9am, the pastor was through with the prayers after much emdurance from me. It was time for Bible studies. The topic was about indiscriminate sex among youths today. Oh this was one of my favourite topic and it was to be taken by a very pretty sister. I sat back to enjoy.
The Sunday school coordinator introduced herself as sister Funke. I know the name must have a nice meaning. I couldn’t decipher the meaning because I didn’t understand Yoruba.
Sister Funke: Even the Bible opposing fornication is one of the Ten Commandments God gave to Moses. Nowadays we have a wasted generation who take sex as food. Gone are those days when virginity was held in high esteem. Nowadays, people will disagree to marry their partners if they don’t have sex with them before wedding. Youths now see sex as a yardstick to measure love; cohabitations exist in the universities everywhere. Worst of all are the homosexuals who keep committing one of the most abominable sins hated by God.
Me: (Lesbian or Straight, them go both end up for the same hell fire with Osama and Abacha)
Sister Funke: Youths should stop cohabiting when they get to school, its an avenue for having sex everyday which comes with various disastrous consequence, ultimately the boy will eventually get tired of you and leave you. For girls visiting their boyfriends or fiancé, don’t visit him alone, go with at least a friend to avoid unnecessary temptations. And don’t even kiss your partners at all because it’s a stepping stone to having sex.
Me: (God will punish you passionately sister Funke! Now I see the reason why Mercy has been dodging my kisses, its all because of what hypocrites like Funke has been teaching in church, she no want others to enjoy wetin she dey enjoy)
The Sunday school teaching was hot with various contributions in terms of questions and arguments. Even though I wasn’t in support of most things they say, I learnt a lot from most of the things discussed.
Vivian had arrived with Mercy without me being aware. Vivian was a pulchritude personified. Mercy was cute too but needs some tush up to even stand a chance of competing with Vivian. I gave Mercy a winking sign and she signaled with her hand telling me to take a chill pill.
The service was wonderful maybe because it was a youth church. The choristers were stupendous when rendering their songs. All through I was looking at Vivian who was gentle all through like she was forced to come to church. Our sister Mercy on the other hand was very active when it comes to all the activities like someone possessed. It was time for the Sermon and the Pastor who was a young man presumably in his early twenties walked towards the pulpit.
Preaching was another part of Sunday service that made me stop attending church because the sermons have always been monotonous
Pastor: Today’s topic is A TRUE CHURCH
The pastor went on and on about what a true church was while I was trying so hard not to dose off.
Pastor: Before I pray to end this message, I would want you all to do something important, the only thing a true church should do. Exchange numbers with at least ten people around you whose number you don’t have before. Stand up and do it now and you must call them or send contact them a whatsapp message when you get home. This shouldn’t be today alone but for as long as possible. Next week, I will start a special class and assign teachers where you are all going to talk about what you learned from your new friends during the week.
Me: (chaiii, my God is a miracle working God, the perfect chance to collect Vivian numbers)
People around me were already trying to get my number while I store theirs, thus delaying me from going to meet Vivian. And most of them were boys. God crush devil biko, by the time I go put their numbers for OLX announce say them they sell Iphone 6 for 20k, them go de aright las las.
By the time I was through. I had already collected ten numbers and people were already heading back to their various seats. I was so dejected until I heard someone tap me and the most sexiest voice I have ever heard say “Your number brother”
I looked up to see Vivian, I smiled.
Mission accomplished!
I got home full of excitement. How God worked wonders even though I was a sinner. After having rice and stew for lunch, I switched on my laptop to watch my favorite Philippine at the moment
“BLOOD MOON”. I wasn’t a fan of Philippine movies but this one got me engrossed. With potato chips and Fanta by my side, the thought of being friends with this hot chick Vivian on my mind, the movie became all the more interesting. Within two hours, I was through with season 9 of the movie. I switched on my phone. While I allow my Whatsapp messages , I quickly login to facebook to check my messages. Immediately I clicked on messages, I saw I have been added to a group of just three members.
Alas! Mercy have added me to a group along with another person with the facebook username “M’apelle Tel A Viv”.
“Facebook Group Chat”
Me: Mercy, which yeye group b this one again?
Mercy: Calm down baba
Me: Na me u de follow talk to like that ba? I no blame u as dem don de touch your yansh
Mercy: Ele stop, I don’t like it
Me: If you like vex, na u sabi
M’apelle tel a viv: Hi, Vivian is here
Me: (Surprised) the Vivian who attends Word Sanctuary Church?
M’apelle tel a Viv: Yes sir, I collected your number in church I guess, it was Mercy’s suggestion to create this group for just the three of us
Me: (and I don insult Mercy) Oh! I really didn’t know it was like that because I was thinking it was one of those famz groups she always added me too.
Vivian: Oh I se
Me: Yea yea. Whats the meaning of M’apelle tel a viv please?
Vivian: (smile emoji) it means “My name is Vivian”
Me: Shuu, eyin slay queen
Mercy: na u sabi
Vivian: lolz, abi
Me: Naxo
Me: Lolo awayu
Mercy: I am fine o, my one and only Lala
Vivian: u people want to make me jealous abi?
Mercy: No, I will give you a name too
Vivian: Oya I de wait
Mercy: We will call you Lalu
Me: Mercy, receive sense, which kind yeye name you de give this fine girl?
Vivian: I actually love it (love emoji)
Mercy: Ele, Ntoor
Vivian: So.. we have got Lolo, Lala, Lalu… osha pra pra
Mercy: Yes o, osha pra pra
Me: Oshozondi

No comments:

Post a Comment