Monday, January 28, 2019

The shadow of sinful relationship

Rudzi was tossing and turning all night so we only fell asleep on early hours.She was holding on to me for her dear life.Now I know that this has really affected her.Its gonna take her time until she can be able to be left alone..I watched her as she was sleeping peacefully.The sun was rising and it was very hot..I couldn't sleep in such weather..I tried getting up from the bed without waking her up but I failed diamisally..
Me: Babe it's morning you can go back to not going anywhere.
She didn't say anything but she closed her eyes again.I went and looked at myself on the mirror.atleast those guys didn't touch my face. But we have one problem.Im unemployed.

I may have been through alot in life but one thing I never forget to do is pray.I know all this are trials to test my faith in God.I was busy cleaning up the house listening to worship house-thoma nga nna Murena...This is one song that lifts my spirit.It gets me connected to my spiritual self and I actually feel the presence of God in my life
'Thoma nga nne Murena ndi shanduke
Thoma nga nne Murena ndi shanduke
Thoma nga nne Murena ndi shanduke
Ndi tshidzwe
Ndi tshile'
I don't know how I got in the floor but u was on my knees praying with tears flooding my eyes.Its really a difficult path with alot of obstacles.Its not even easy but I know God is watching.I know God will answer my prayers.Regardless the situations we face we should not cease to worship God.We should not for get to tell him how marvelous he has been to us.It wasn't because of our will that we woke up to another day but it was his will,love and protection that we are still alive..
And I know that it was written in the boom of Matthew 7: 7 that Ask and it shall be given to you, Seek and you shall find,knock and it shall be opened unto thee. Our God is not a God of disappointments.He is a God of restoration and prosperity.He is a God of peace and love..
I kept on praying until I felt peace in my heart.A lot of burdens have been lifted off my shoulders..When I said Amen that's when I felt hands pick me up from the floor. When you are in the presence of the Holy spirit you feel like you can not withstand the feeling because it's too powerful for you..
Les : I'm not a saint but I felt the presence of God in here.
I just nodded..I didn't trust my voice to speak.
Les: I didn't know that I had that song in my phone.
Me: I downloaded it.
Les: I will keep it..It is one unique song that can get one in the presence of God in a matter of seconds.It can even take a sinner like me to church
I giggled.
I felt sleep taking over my body.that is how peaceful I felt.

It was during the day so nothing can happen to her.I have to go out and seek for a job..I don't care what kind of a job it is but as long as it will bring food on the table for my Rudzani.I walked down the street..I didn't even know where I would start..There was alot of things occupying my mind.Im at my lowest.Not once did I think life could ever be this cruel.Im a graduate.I went to school all those years just to suffer like this.Just when I thought things will be better that man who calls himself boss push me further into the mud.It bothers me how useless the qualifications I have are of no use because of my own parents.Why didn't they pressurise Ethan to go for this course so that he can take over because he is someone who won't mind....
I came across two ladies who looked like they were in their mid 40s..
Me: Good morning
Them: Good morning.
Me: I'm looking for a job.Even if it's something small like gardening I don't mind.
Lady 1: I have been looking for a garden boy for two weeks now.You could be of use..follow me.
I followed her.
Lady 2: Friend I hope you won't turn him into what you turned the last garden boy you had.
Lady 1: This one is even cute..Look at his body..I can imagine the things he will do to me
I couldn't believe what those two were saying.they were trying to whisper but I heard every word.
We got to her house after a while and she showed me her yard..It was messy so I got down to it..She was sitting at the patio with her friend im sure gossiping about me..I thought I will be done in an hour or two but it took me 3 and it was already 12 so I went to them when I was done.
Me: I'm done.
Lady1: Can't you stay for long?
Me: No ma I can't.I left my pregnant girlfriend alone..
She gave me the money
Lady1: Please come again after 2days.
Me: Okay Ma.
I took the money.
Me: I will take my leave now.
Them: Bye.
I walked away leaving them to continue with their gossip.

I woke up to no sight of Les.I honestly didn't feel safe at all but I didn't want to sound like a nagging pregnant wife so I let it be..I miss talking to Nani.I miss doing alot of things with her.She never called so I also didn't bother especially after what she did.But I was no longer angry at her.Im someone who can't stay angry for long.I always forgive those who wrong me.I think that's what helped me keep up with mom's treatment for all those years.Just like the Lord's prayer we should forgive those who wrong us as we expect God to forgive us for the wrongs me do...
Cooking is therapeutic so I went to the kitchen and cooked lamb stew and macaroni..Les walked in as I was switching off the stove..
Les: Good afternoon
Me: Hey love .You seem to be in a good mood
Les: I very much am.I got a job as a garden boy.
Me: Wow that nice..It counts for something..
Les: yeah it does.But I will push until I find something stable..
Me: Why don't you let me help aswel?
Les: Babe I said no
Me: Iyo okay..
Les: It smells good in here.What does a man have to do to be given food?
Me: I don't know..Maybe eat me first.
He laughed hard.
I frowned
Les: Babe you are serious?
Me: I'm not talking to you.
I walked away to the bedroom.
I can't let Ethan find Lea because I know he will try so much to convince his parents to clear his name.Then he will gain his power back.He will have all the money he needs and I know he will never look at me not even once.What I did to him was alot to handle..If i notice that Ethan is near to finding him on his own I will have to do damage control and go to him to ask for forgiveness..
Ethan and Stan's sex drive is not like Les.How I miss him.These two are not that strong like him.Atleast Ethan is better but Stan o worse shem.In this life without money you are nothing..
Just the thought of Les made me realise how much I really do miss him..I tried to call but it didn't go through.
I asked Ethan's PI to give it to me and when he did I sent his a message..I noticed Stan walking in so I started playing Makhadzi's song

'Zwimpfarapfara hune na funa , ndi si wanu thinga tendi hemtha, zwo  mpfarapfara hune na funa
Ndisi wanu a thinga tendi,  dolicha umpfara pfara hune na funa ndisi wanu thinga tendi vhanna

Athinga koni zwa u shuma ndisa  holi,nne thinga koni zwa u shuma ndisa holi, athi zwifuni u shuma  ndisa  holi nne zwau shuma ndisa holi, athi zwi pfesesi zwa u shuma ndisa holi
Athi zwifuni zwa u shuma ndisa holi

Ndi khotoda tshanda iya tshanda vhuya , ndi khotoda  tshanda  iya tshanda  vhuya mara muhulwane a vha badeli ndi khotoda tshanda iya tshanda vhuya mara vhasa avha badeli'

He got the message loud and clear.
Stan: What is this Mashudu? Are you with me because of money? Is it money that you want? What kind of a song is that?
Me: Well I just love this song but if you feel like it's sending a message to you then maybe it is supposed to send the message.i have been riding you nights and you don't even thank me. I'm a lady and at some point you have to spoil me or maybe I should go back to my broke Lesley besides him being broke he knows how to satisfy my needs on bed.
I stood up and attempted to walk put but he clapped me with the back of his hand so hard that I fell and lost sight for a few minutes.
Stan: You don't fucken say such shit to me..You chose me so you better obey me.And this shit you are doing with Ethan better stop or else I will blow his brains infront of you and you will live your life with that..I may seem quiet but trust me i can be your worst nightmare.
I was trembling on the floor.What has gotten into Stan.What happened to the sweet nerdy Stan who wouldn't harm a fly?
Stan: Get the fuck up and give me what I want.He had a straight face on.
' Its been long and I realise that I made you suffer..It has passed.What we had is gone but all I know is that I still love you and I can't accept that we are really done.I may have wronged you,I may have sinned against you but please forgive me.
Les: What the fuck does she want? Babe delete that message and block the number.
Me: Who is she?
Les: The gold digger who left me for my cousin when I was down and low.
Me: Oh her
Les: Yes her..
We were watching tv.Boss and his goons walked in.
Les: You are becoming a frequent visitor here.
Boss: Boy you don't know who you are messing with now do you.
Les: I think I do know.Cant you just leave is in peace?
Boss: Not until I get what i want..
He winked at me then left.

3days later
It was early in the morning and I was doing Mrs Sadiki's yard and this time her friend was not around.
I was thirsty so I went to knock at her door.
She opened up still I  a gown.
Me: Sorry mam I'm thirsty.can I please have water.
Her: Come in.I will go fetch the water in the kitchen
Me: Okay..
I got in and she disappeared to the kitchen and she came back with bottled water
Her: There you go.
Me: Thank you.
Her: Uhr Lesley
Me: Ma
Her: You know I can triple your pay if you satisfy my needs.
Me: Sorry
Her: My husband is I  the military and I hardly have him home.So I'm a woman and I have needs.
She said that taking off her gown.She came towards me.
Her: All you have to do is sleep with me whenever I want you to.
I really do need the money but is this worth it?
She touched my pants.
Her: Think about it.
I walked out and finally swallowed the lump in my throat.Is this a temptation or what?
I went back to the garden and when I was done I finally went back home.I had alot in my mind.

At Rudzani's home.
Dad: Where is your mom?
Ipfi: She went to town
Dad: Come here and sit on daddy's lap.
Ipfi remembered her sister's words when she told her never to sit on a man's lap even if it's her father or uncle or any man she knows.
Ipfi: I have homeworks daddy.
Dad: I said come here you little tart.
Ipfi walked with fear towards her step father.
He extended his hand and pulled her to sit on his lap..He ran his hands on her smooth flawless thigh.He had a boner immediately..
Dad: Your breasts are growing.
He touched them.
Her heart was beating fast with fear.She knew exactly what was happening but was afraid to voice out her concern due to fear she has for this man.
He carried her to the couch and made her lie on facing up.He inserted his finger in her tight kitty.
Dad: If you scream I will kill you.
She had tears falling down.He unzipped his pants and took out his huge manhood and rubbed it on her panty..He started stroking himself with his hand while fantasizing about her.He went far to sucking her..
Dad: You better be getting used to such pleasure because I will be the one who will unseal this.
Dad: Ahhhh fuck..uhhhh Ipfi ahhh
He came on top of her panty and wiped himself with her panty
Dad: Get up and go wash that panty.You better keep this between us or I will kill your brother and mother and I will be here to do this everyday.
She frowned and walked away.What she just saw will traumatize her all her life.She is only a teen.

I cannot begin to explain the way I am feeling right now. Stan forced himself on me. I know we are together but I was an unwilling participant. All this time that we have been together I have never seen this side of Stan. He told me everything that I thought were my secrets that were known only by me. I have no one on my side right now. I miss Les and I know he wouldn't have done this to me.
Stan: Wena neh you better be a submissive girlfriend otherwise you will get a repitation of last night
I just looked at him without saying a word.When did I get here? I always give sex away not to be forced into it.
He walked out and I took my phone and called Les.I was shattered.I was crying so bad.
Les: What do you want?
Me: I'm.. .I.. ..
I cried so hard I couldn't control it..It was hard and really depressing.Never have I thought I would go through this.
Les: hey..Whays wrong? What happened?
Me: He.. he for forced m.m.m.
Les: Camt you calm down first.Go and drink water before and call me when you are calm.
I hanged up.Im just glad that he was understanding.Im glad that he is gonna be there for me.Atleast I won't be alone on this.Someone I love  and care about will be there for  me.We might even rekindle our love.


Boss... what could I possibly say about that man. I am terrified of what he could do to me. I am even scared to leave the house. On the other hand I have been having this uneasy feeling. I just miss my siblings so much. I can't help but wonder how they are treated or what they are going through. Les walked in whilst I was still deep in my i love this man of mine.
Les: Hey baby. How are you?
Me: I am good thanks. You look a little disturbed. What is happening?
Les: Nothing I can't handle my dollface.
Me: If you say so
 I let him off lightly because I was not in the mood for an argument
It was early in the morning the following day.Les was really acting weird since he came back yesterday.All he does is zone out and be in his thinking mood..Whatever it is he has got to cut it out because I don't know him like this.Im used to my forever bubbly Man.
Me: Whatever is bothering you just know that it's affecting me aswel because I'm not used to the quiet you.

I honestly didn't want to stress my lady about the decision I need to make. I cannot stop thinking about this woman. What will happen if her husband one day walks in on us? I could do this because I trust my game but honestly I'm not up for it. I'd rather lose this job because this woman is old and I don't know where she has been or what she has done. I value my life. I will deal with her the next time I see her..
When I was about to console her my phone rang.It Mashudu's other number which I forgot to block.My aim was to tell her off but she was crying like a child.She sounded so hurt so I couldn't just brush her off because i have known her for the longest time.I know her pain.I know all that she has been through in life.I was even surprised that after all we have been through in life she would do that to me..

I was going to campus when I saw her along side a road crying.She was really beautiful to be doing that to herself in public.
Me: Hey beautiful.
She cried even worse.I sat next to her until she was calm.
Me: Come with me..You can't be here crying.
Shudu: I...I don't know you.
Me: I know but I can be of help.
I turned back to my bachelor flat with her.I didn't even know why I was helping.
When we got to the flat i gave her water that had sugar.We sat there in total silence.
Shudu: It started when I was only 15.My father was abusing my mom..He would even rape her infront of me.When my mom got tired of all the pain after years she committed suicide and that's when my father decided to turn me into his wife.He took my innocence and kept on doing that to me for as long as I can remember.When he lost his job he turned me into a money making machine.He would tell his friends about me and they would sleep with me then give him the money.2weeks back one of them refused to use protection and he infected me with a genital warts and I'm pregnant with his child.I don't know what to do.I asked my father for money so that I can go to the doctor but he refused.At this point in my life I feel like commuting suicide.I feel like I was only brought here to suffer.

From that day on I cared for her.I took her to the doctor.She even aborted the baby even though I discouraged her against it but she said she won't be able to live with a child I know I won't love. It's better I abort that bring him or her to suffer like I did in the hands of my father.I took care of her with my pocket money..I even sent her to a nursing school because all she had was a matric certificate..She is now a qualified nurse whom I don't even know now.All she cares about is money just like how her father loved money..
I kept stealing glances at Rudzi.
Rudzi: Do you have something to say? Because of the  way you keep stealing looks at me I suspect that you are feeling guilty of something.It either has to do with your mood since yesterday or it's that call you just received.
Me: No babe it's nothing of such.


Ipfi was sitting on the bed and thinking about what had happened the day before. She was still shocked. In the midst of her thoughts she saw her father standing in front of her. She didn't know what to do. She was terrified because she knew what was about to happen.

Dad: Ipfi be a good girl and come to daddy.

Ipfi stood frozen with tears streaming down her face. She walked slowly towards her father shutting everything...
Dad: Daddy is gonna buy you sweets.Dont cry..
He repeated what he did to her yesterday but today he fingered her hard.She  flinched in pain.
When he left she could finally sleep her sorrows away.

I was in my office just going through a client's file when Stan walked in.
Me: Wow cousy I didn't expect to see you here.
Stan: I wasn't planning on coming here either but I had to deliver a message directly
I swallowed hard.
Stan: You see E I'm someone who doesn't take betrayal simple.Stop fucking with my woman or else it won't be nice.You see this ever smiling and sweet Stan is all an act.There is an arrogant man behind all this.Dont dare wake up the beast in me.Dont try me or else I will fuck you up.Thats not a threat it's a promise.Family or not I will send you to your early grave and still attend your funeral with tears on my face but joy in my heart.Keep your hands to yourself bro.
With that he walked out.He was talking with a serious face and I believed somehow.I wonder who told him

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