• “Mummy pastor, she can’t be dead.
    Mummy pastor!” I screamed on and
    someone tapped my shoulder
    “Sister Precious” I heard my name
    clearly and my eyes opened widely. It
    was Sister Jane.
    So, it’s been a dream all these while?…
    Like seriously?
    I sat up and saw tears on Jane’s face.
    “Is it true?” I screamed. Smiling faintly,
    Jane nodded over and over again.
    “Mummy Pastor! Mummy Pastor oooo”
    I started screaming as I sat up from the
    pew in which I had slept off and
    started running to the back of the
    church as if being pursued. Jane called
    me back to no avail
    “Mummy Pastor ooo….somebody help”
    I screamed on and on until I looked to
    my left as I approached the exit door
    and I heard my name.
    “Sister Precious”
    Mummy Pastor’s voice!
    I turned to look around and there they
    were all gathered the women leaders
    with Mrs. Idile smiling wholeheartedly
    at me.
    “Is anything the matter my daughter?”
    she asked, smiling again- her very real,
    affectionate smile
    “Is this for real? Is this a dream too? Is
    that mummy pastor? Somebody talk to
    me.” I cried again as I walked to her
    side on the podium.
    Some women tried to stop me but she
    signaled at them to leave me alone.
    I went beside her, knelt down, felt her
    legs, touched her calves and hugged
    She hugged me too!
    “Mummy is alive!” I shouted childishly
    and the women murmured
    “Daughter, go and check yourself in the
    bathroom. Your cloth is stained at the
    back” she whispered into my ears and
    a cold wind of embarrassment ran
    through my spine.
    It’s the same day!
    That Sunday!
    I managed to smile at her.
    She smiled back!
    She signaled that I bend down and she
    dipped her hand into her bag to give
    me a white shawl. I wrapped it round
    myself and passed through the back
    door outside with the women’s eyes
    following me- I most assuredly guess!
    Sister Jane was outside and I frowned
    at her.
    “Why were you crying earlier on? And I
    still asked if it was a true and you
    nodded. You made me to make a fool
    out of myself today and it’s not fair!” I
    “I didn’t understand your question
    Sister Precious. I was only shedding
    tears of joy because I am happy for
    you. You obviously just had a vision.
    That’s something we had both been
    praying for you for a very long time
    now. You asked if it was true and I
    thought you were referring to the
    vision thing. I smiled happily and told
    you yes!” she explained and I hugged
    God heard my prayers!
    He spoke to me in a vision.
    But what does that mean?
    Mummy Pastor was smiling just so
    happily now that I saw her.
    I am still as single as ever, so why was
    Tony in the same attire with me?
    What was I doing in a wilderness?
    Despite the rough road, my car was
    able to still drive on as if on a tarmac!
    What does that mean?
    What is the problem between the
    pastor and his wife?
    Tony called me MMR…what’s the
    As I brought out my skirt from the
    spinner of the washing machine, I
    heard some rapid footsteps at the
    staircase and I listened.
    The pastor was making a call.
    “It’s a great privilege to do so for my
    wife my dear pastor. I am just going to
    dedicate this week to her. It’s her
    birthday and she has to be treated
    extra-wonderfully. Thanks for booking
    the hotel for us…we should arrive
    Dubai in the evening tomorrow. Let me
    tell her the surprise now…. My wife so
    loves surprises….hahahahahahaha…
    God bless you sir!…” he said on and on
    and I smiled happily.
    I trust my pastor!
    Ever romantic!
    That dream was just a useless one jhur!
    I had much to think about before I
    slept off.
    My pastor and his wife are just too
    anointed to have any problematic issue
    between them.
    I waved the dream off as I quickly wore
    my skirt, checking out myself in the
    “Sister Precious, do you wanna sleep in
    the laundry?” Sister Jane called out and
    I smiled happily as I tip-toed to the
    “I am coming right away mon amie” I
    said in a very musical voice- what
    happens whenever I am satisfied with
    something or extremely happy.
    But…my spirit stirred again!
  • We cannot join you together!”
    That was the response of the head of
    the marriage committee immediately
    Jean and I entered the church’s board
    room on Sunday.
    I turned sideways subtly to see Jean’s
    face and it was expressionless. He was
    looking indifferent. I sighed repeatedly
    but silently.
    As much as God wasn’t in support of
    this relationship and I was ready to
    obey His will, I still loved Jean and his
    expressionless face actually broke my
    He wasn’t going to miss me!
    Perhaps he never really loved me!
    Just then, while my head was bowed
    still where I stood, I saw some fluid
    falling to the ground and I was
    I looked up at Jean and he was totally
    broken! He had unknotted his tie, his
    eyes were closed and his hands were
    dipped right inside his well combed
    afro hair. The other hand held his
    tummy as he let out a squeak that
    shook the whole room.
    The four-man committee members
    stood abruptly, covering their ears with
    their hands. They looked really
    I could only watch on as I felt his pains.
    He squatted and started a real babyish
    cry and my heart shattered into pieces
    the more.
    Who does that for God’s sake?!
    Who leaves a man like this when real
    men are scarce outside?
    Only a foolish person would do so!
    Jean was a very good man. Even before
    I led him to Christ, he had really been a
    moral man. Never had he for once tried
    to touch me or played dirty with me
    during those times.
    Even the day he proposed to me, he
    was very shy to do so. It took the
    efforts of his daughter to help. He
    never took advantage of his
    I loved mature men!
    I hate ‘baby men’!
    And, but for his marriage to Beatrice, I
    would have loved to get married to
    him. I had really opened my heart to
    “You people don’t understand. You
    don’t!” he cried out again as he blew
    his nose into the handkerchief he was
    holding. The committee members sat
    down, still looking perturbed.
    “Understand what?” Mr. Hosanna, one
    of the marriage committee asked and
    the others nodded in support.
    “I had really endured a very bad
    marriage where my wife would bring in
    different men into our matrimonial bed
    and sleep with them right before my
    open eyes. If I dared to retort, she
    would send different touts to beat me
    up or even deal with me herself….” He
    swallowed hard and the committee
    members looked somber as he
    unfolded the story.
    I shook my head as I imagined the
    whole scenario.
    “I had a mixed feeling when she
    eventually travelled outside the
    country five years ago with another
    sugar daddy. I was happy to be free
    indeed but I hated sleeping around.
    What do I do?…” he paused as he sat
    on the floor. He looked really hopeless
    and a cold shiver ran down my spine.
    “I had really been weaned from all
    emotions and love until I met Precious.
    If I got married at 20, I should be able
    to father her but really, I love her so
    much. I was scared of another failed
    marriage but I trusted her and wanted
    to give it a trial once again…”
    “Marriage is not trial and error my
    brother!” Mrs. Hallow, one of the
    committee members retorted and Jean
    shook his head.
    “Probably my use of English sold me
    out madam. It wasn’t for a trial at all. I
    wanted both of us to have a real great
    future together and all was going well
    until this committee asked us to come
    back.” He paused again and sighed in
    “It was really worth the waiting as God
    met me and told me some vital reasons
    why this marriage cannot be. There
    was no way I could tell Precious and I
    felt we should get here first. Right now,
    it seemed that God had gotten here
    even before me” he said and the
    committee members whispered some
    things to themselves.
    “God had been here since my brother.
    He is the Word personified and we
    have the Bible. Everything is in there. If
    we go ahead and join you together, it
    would mean adultery. That’s what the
    Bible says” Mr. Lawal, another member
    “Then, what should I do? I should wait
    for a woman that had gone to join
    herself with different filthy men? I
    should?” he cried dejectedly. I
    understood his plight.
    I felt really guilty
    I shouldn’t have met him in the first
    I had opened up the closed wound in
    his heart again and poured fresh
    pepper on it.
    “My brother, marriage contract is till
    death do us part. As long as you are
    alive and she is alive too, there is no
    going back. You have to endure it.”
    Mrs. Hallow said again
    “Endurance! That’s the word!” Mrs.
    Idile said as she shook her head, her
    lips pursed
    Mummy pastor!
    What does she know about endurance?
    Some people just find it easy.
    The only thing she probably endured in
    her marriage was complaints about
    salt, not being enough or too much in a
    Mummy pastor sha! Very funny!
    “We still have lots of people coming in
    to see us today and the time isn’t on
    our side. We have closed your file and
    we want both of you to really go and
    pray with all fervency.” Mr. Lawal said
    with a large, comforting smile
    “My dear Bro Jean, I can feel your pain
    as I have been in your shoes. My
    husband left me for another woman
    and there were pressures here and
    there that I should remarry but I thank
    God for my pastor and his wife. Oh
    what a great specimen of marriage for
    our generation…” Mrs. Hallow paused
    and smiled, shaking her head in
    obvious appreciation while Mrs. Idile
    smiled too.
    A pure, sweet smile!
    “My husband is back to me. I have
    forgiven him and he is now a child of
    God. You would never know that
    something like that had ever happened
    between us if you see us together” Mrs.
    Hallow completed her own side of
    “And who knows if your wound had
    actually been opened now because
    your wife is on the way and so that
    when she comes, she would find
    something to nurse, thereby,
    strengthening your marriage?” Mr.
    Hosanna explained too.
    I looked at Jean on the floor and I
    smiled bitterly.
    He was shaking his head vigorously as
    tears streamed down his face.
    Does any of their advice makes any
    sense to him at all?
    “It would be hard but that’s why we
    have Jesus. He can help. Wait for your
    wife and pray fervently for her soul.
    Who knows, you may save a soul from
    hell!” Mrs. Hallow said further.
    “And you Sister Precious…”
    That was my name right?
    It was my turn to be lambasted for
    almost leading a new convert of mine
    astray even when I knew the truth.
    It was Mrs. Idile
    “My sister, God is never too late. For
    some people, he comes at twenty years
    of age, some thirty, some forty, some
    fifty, even, sixty! He’s never late! How
    old are you? I am sure you are in your
    mid-twenties or thereabout. Why
    would you rush? Do you know what
    marriage means at all? Marriage is a
    padlock with its key thrown away! Do
    you want to miss it? This one that we
    can still enjoy beautiful renditions of
    songs through you, if you are sad and
    unstable in your home, would that still
    be possible? Sister Precious, are you
    praying at all?” Mrs. Idile went on and
    on and I was daunted.
    There was an absolute silence
    That was from her heart- deep!
    I was speechless.
    I realized that I hadn’t said a word
    since it all started and I looked for
    something to say.
    “I love him…” I was saying when she
    cut me short again.
    She was never violent or lousy.
    Mrs. Idile!
    What was the matter?
    “Love, you say? Any sign whatsoever
    you have, be it vision, dream, deep
    love, revelation and all, should still be
    weighed on the word of God! Is God
    saying something to me in His word
    about this lady or guy? See, just like
    our speech could be influenced by the
    devil, out emotions can also be
    manipulated and used against God’s
    will for our lives” she explained and I
    looked at the Spilt Air Conditioner.
    It was working perfectly well. In fact,
    16 degrees Celsius!
    Why then was she sweating- profusely?
    Was it more than what was being
    I am being blessed by all she was
    saying but I was worried about her.
    Was all well with her?
    “Some marriages in the church are
    camouflages. They wear same outfits all
    the time, they seem to hug and peck
    and fan, wiping each other’s faces in
    the church and all and you feel, God
    give me a happy home like lagbaja’s!
    Do you know what is underneath? Do
    you?” she banged the table as the
    pimples of sweat on her face dropped
    on the table before her.
    The vicinity was very solemn.
    I looked around me and realized that
    everyone was taking what she was
    saying as just being a concerned
    Pastor’s wife’s palava. But I saw
    beyond that…something I would never
    want to believe myself.
    I saw deep hurt in her face!
    What exactly is the matter?
    Just then, the dream flashed back to
    my head and I shook it off once more.
    It can’t be real! It can never be real!
    “God will have mercy” Mrs. Hallow
    said, obviously touched by Mrs. Idile’s
    “Please, you both should go and pray
    more” Mr. Hosanna said too
    “You can go and may God make your
    ways golden” Mr. Lawal said and Jean
    stood up, supporting himself with a
    “Thanks everyone” he said silently,
    moving towards the door
    “Thanks” was all I could say as I
    approached the door too
    “Sister Precious…” Mrs. Idile’s voice
    called out to me. I turned back and met
    her face.
    So tender once more- smiling.
    “See me in my house tomorrow by
    4.pm” she said and I nodded
    “Ok ma”
    “I love you so much” she said further
    and my heart stirred.
    She smiled again- that very sad smile !
    My heart missed a beat!
    Something was just not right!
    “Welcome ma” my gardener greeted
    me as I parked the car, the lawn-
    mower he was using, making noise as if
    it was a tractor!
    I didn’t want to have a headache but
    my lawn actually needed trimming. The
    other staff members had left their
    lawns unattended too but I couldn’t. I
    just loved orderliness, beauty and
    neatness. Since the state government
    had refused to renovate our quarters
    for us, I got some money and had the
    painting done, the plumbing works
    attended to and now, the lawn!
    “Well done Mr. Bright. How work?” I
    greeted as I pulled the boot lever under
    my car seat.
    “Work fine o madam. It’s just this sun”
    he complained. I smiled. I looked at the
    back seat and took a bottle of ‘five
    alive’ juice. It was very cold.
    “Catch this” I said and he looked
    behind him. His face shone as he saw
    the drink. With open arms, he received
    it as I threw it and then he shouted for
    “It’s chilling” he said and I smiled.
    Mr. Bright and his ‘wonderful’ English
    I opened the boot and brought out the
    hamper inside it- an Easter gift for
    senior staff members in my
    department. I was privileged to be
    I took my veggies basket too and
    walked towards the door.
    Gosh! It’s already two o’clock and I had
    to be in Pastor’s house by four.
    I really have to be fast o.
    I had a really weird appetite while at
    I just stumbled on a movie where they
    were eating coconut rice and an idea
    came into my head. On my way home, I
    had bought cucumbers, cabbage, leeks,
    tomatoes, fresh paper, mackerel fish
    (My best), and some coconuts.
    I bought enough coconuts because my
    hair seemed to be losing its vitality. I
    wanted to make enough coconut oil
    myself since the homemade is better
    than the adulterated ones being sold.
    The s---t from the coconut oil and the
    coconut water was what I would use to
    I was already salivating!
    After I finished preparing those, I
    would have a very cold shower and
    then set out for the pastor’s house.
    Few minutes later, the aroma of my
    specially prepared coconut rice filled
    the house. I looked at the bowl where I
    had poured the coconut oil
    That should be cold by now!
    I quickly sent a ‘BRB’ to everyone I was
    chatting with on Facebook, WhatsApp
    and BBM- I really loved chatting.
    I poured the coconut oil into different
    bottles and set them aside. Then I
    turned off my gas cooker and opened
    the pot- Hmmmm, indomitable meal!
    Oops, 3.30pm!
    I ran into the bathroom and richly
    soaped my body. As the shower rained
    down the thin streams of water upon
    my hefty body, I felt a tickling
    sensation and I chuckled repeatedly. I
    was somewhat happy- but about what?
    I had really had a lot to do that very
    day and though I was fatigued, I had to
    go and see my pastor’s wife for
    whatever it was she wanted to see me
    What could she want to see me for?
    My happiness waned away as I jumped
    off the bathroom into my bedroom
    where I performed the normal beauty
    rituals and wore a very cool colored
    evening gown.
    “Mummy will join you shortly Sister
    Precious” Abigail, the housemaid told
    me and I smiled at her.
    The best treble part singer in our
    “Do you mind a bottle of Charis wine?”
    she asked and I nodded
    “No, I don’t mind please” I said and it
    was soon delivered in a tray. The
    phone on one of the tables rang and
    Abigail picked the receiver
    “Hello ma…it’s alright ma.” She said
    and looked at me.
    “Mummy said you should come into
    her room upstairs” she said and I
    looked surprised.
    Who am I in that church?
    What is my post or position?
    What have I done to deserve entering
    the room of my pastor’s wife?
    Oh, that would be a very delightful
    honor for me!
    If the other parts of the house could be
    this beautiful and gigantic, I wonder
    what the bedroom would look like.
    The staircases leading upstairs were
    sparkly neat!
    I was told to take off my shoes and I
    slipped into some furry slippers before
    stepping on those staircases.
    God, I’ve got to be rich o
    Lord, I ask for the riches of Job but not
    his sufferings o abeg.
    I laughed at myself for making that
    kind of selfish prayer request but if you
    had the opportunity of coming into this
    place, you would conclude that heaven
    must be too goldenly beautiful because
    this house looked like paradise.
    I knocked the door
    “Please come in” I heard the voice and
    I opened the door.
    Oh, that sight!
    The room was indescribable!
    I wanted to run outside and confirm
    that I was still in the same house I was
    just coming from but I maintained my
    The room was disorganized. The settees
    were not well arranged and there were
    clothes hanging on the chair, around
    the necks of the gigantic wardrobes,
    beautiful shoes were scattered all over
    the floor and gasped.
    “Sister Precious” I heard that voice and
    I was geared back to reality. I was lost
    in my own world of irritation and had
    forgotten why I was here.
    I looked at the bed where the sound
    was coming from and I almost ran
    “Mummy!” I called out, really surprised
    and she smiled sadly
    “Good evening” she greeted and I
    couldn’t hide my shock and despair.
    Her head was neatly scraped- totally!…
    like a widow in her mourning mood!
    The gown she was putting on was black
    and she didn’t look like the normal
    mummy I knew. Tears gathered in my
    face as I looked at her.
    “Mummy!” I called out in a heart-
    renting way again as I ran to her and
    fell on the bed, holding her hands as I
    “Mummy, what’s wrong?” I asked in a
    very sorrowful way. She smiled but I
    saw the tears welling up in her eyes.
    “I wanted someone to clear up my
    room for me. And I chose you” she said
    calmly and I broke out into a serious fit
    of crying.
    Mummy needed help to clear up her
    Oh my God!
    I scanned the room and I cried again.
    Whatever it was that was happening to
    mummy pastor was very serious!
  • Oh my goodness!
    Oh my God!
    I looked at her.
    She wasn’t crying
    She had tears in her eyes but they were
    not falling. She looked really worn!
    I stood up, removed my long evening
    gown and thank God my undies were
    moderate enough, I set to work even as
    I cried ‘Oh my God!” repeatedly.
    After rearranging the furniture and
    returning the books to where they
    were supposed to be, I hung the neat
    clothes and dumped the dirty ones in
    the large laundry baskets. I saw a
    vacuum cleaner.
    There is even a vacuum cleaner? Oh my
    I ignited the machine and it swallowed
    all the dirt on the floor for me.
    I went to the bed and faced mummy
    “Mummy, let me lay the bed” I said and
    she sighed, held the pole on which the
    bed lamp hung with great difficulty and
    then stood up. I saw that protruding
    The dream flashed back to my
    She’s pregnant for real! Oh my God!
    I pulled a plastic chair for her and she
    sat inside it with care.
    As I pulled the large, heavy white-
    turned brown duvet off the bed, I saw
    already used tissue papers. Some were
    very dry, some were still wet.
    I dumped the duvet into one of the
    laundry baskets and the tissue papers
    fell to the ground- they could make a
    She must have cried loads and from the
    look of things, it didn’t just start
    By the time I was done with the laying
    of the bed and all, the five large
    laundry baskets were filled and the
    dustbin was filled as well.
    “Carry everything and drop them
    outside the room. Abigail would come
    and get them outside. This is the first
    time anybody would enter this room
    apart from my husband. Even my
    children are not allowed to. I just
    needed an urgent help and my spirit
    pointed at you. Thanks so much.” She
    said and I could only nod as I did as
    I then pulled the curtains, dusted the
    window panes, sprayed the air-
    freshener and switched on the split air
    conditioner while I wore my gown
    She smiled
    I shook my head and my jaws dropped.
    “Mummy, it’s time to get back into
    bed” I said again and she tried to stand
    up but couldn’t. I went closer to her
    and pulled her up.
    Oh how light she felt in my hands!
    As she hid under the new laid duvet,
    she signaled for me to sit down on the
    chair adjoining the bed which I did.
    I was not happy!
    What exactly was happening?
    What’s the smiling pretense?
    Does she think I am a baby?
    “Sister Precious, could I perhaps call
    you Precious?” she asked, humbly and
    my heart softened and I forced a smile
    “Definitely ma” I replied and she
    smiled again
    “Thanks my daughter.” She said and
    looked into my face. I looked into her
    eyes as well
    That was all I saw- No hope
    She took my hand and though her hand
    seemed beautiful and fresh on the
    outside, it was scaly as she touched me.
    “It seems that you know something
    about me, Precious” she said and I was
    “Ma, I don’t know anything o, nothing!”
    I retorted quickly.
    What was she saying?
    “That Sunday, you were shouting my
    name, looking for me all over the
    church. You even screamed ‘She’s alive’
    when you saw me. That?” she looked at
    me with a ‘So, what are you saying’
    kind of look and I shook my head.
    “Ma…” I was saying when she cut me
    “During the marriage committee
    session, while I was talking, why did
    you look into my eyes so penetratingly?
    Tell me if you know something please. I
    need to know” she squeezed my hand
    as she pleaded, tears streaming down
    her face.
    Oh mine!
    What do I have to say now? I really
    don’t know anything at all.
    “Precious, when you look into my eyes
    as you do, what do you see? Please tell
    me. I am sure you know something.
    Tell me exactly what you see that
    others don’t. What you see that my
    fellow women leaders don’t, what
    exactly you see that even my children
    don’t. What you see that my…my…even
    my…my hus…husb…husband doesn’t
    see” She pleaded further, stuttering
    greatly and I shook my head
    That’s it!
    Exactly what I wanted to know!
    Something was very wrong and no one
    knew- not even my pastor!
    But what’s it?
    This suspense is killing me Lord Jesus!
    She smiled again and I could not help
    but speak my mind.
    “Mummy, for real, all I see is fear,
    loneliness, frustration, pain, hurt,
    despondency, dejection, depression. All
    I see on a closer look is negativity
    mum! That’s all I see and I don’t
    understand why it should be so” I
    blurted out. I was tired of seeing her
    that way. She looked so weird.
    Even her haircut was scary…bare!
    Her big tummy
    Her untidy room
    Her hurtful face
    Her smile!
    Oh how much beautiful and expensive
    attires cover the problems of so many
    We only look at their attires and envy
    We look at the hats and say, oh
    Not knowing that a sorrowful bare
    head hides underneath.
    Lord Jesus!
    “Thank you for saying your mind my
    daughter. Thanks, thanks, thanks o,
    thank you, thanks” the more she said
    the words slowing, the more they
    tugged at my emotions. The more I
    wanted to know where the problem
    laid and put an end to it.
    “Mummy, what is the problem with
    you? Talk to me. I can handle it. I
    might not be able to proffer solutions
    to the problems but I can help share in
    the burden. Talk to me ma” I pestered
    and she smiled.
    “I will talk to you and that was why I
    chose you. But…” she was saying where
    the phone rang and she picked the
    “Yes Abigail…good…lead him upstairs…
    thanks love” she said and dropped the
    receiver. She looked at me and smiled
    “You have to go now Precious. I will
    see you some other time. I need to
    attend to someone now. Its urgent.”
    She said as she unwound baby wipes
    and gave to me. She took some too and
    wiped her face. I did the same too.
    What could the problem be?
    As the ‘what’ questions filled my head,
    I could not think straight anymore.
    Was she dying?
    That would be scary because she is still
    very young!
    Where was her husband?
    As I fumbled with the baby wipes in
    my hands and descended the stairs, my
    shoulders hit someone who was going
    upstairs and I just bowed in apology as
    I walked away.
    Something struck me hard and turned
    back to look at who just walked past
    He was at the door…that stature…oh
    how familiar!
    I racked my brain so tirelessly but it
    didn’t come to my mind who it was.
    As I turned the ignition key of my car, I
    relived the stature again and oh yes!
    What was Tony doing in there?
    Tony was just a serving corps member
    nah…exactly why would she send me
    away because she wanted to meet
    “I am sorry. I just seemed to find out. A
    medical doctor would just know.”
    Those words rung in my head like I had
    never heard them before.
    Tony was a medical doctor!
    Oh geez!
    The dream relived and I remembered
    how Tony bent to examine the dying
    Mrs. Idile in the dream.
    Could that be what it meant?
    The dream was all about this?
    Or had Mrs. Idile been shown that Tony
    was my husband and she wanted to put
    in good words for me so he would pray
    about it?
    I shook that idea off!
    How childish that thought of mine
    was…she obviously wouldn’t do that!
    Oh my God!
    I dug my hands into my hair again,
    sighed so deeply, turned the ignition
    key and as I drove off, I remembered
    my coconut rice
    “To hell with you dear rice.” I said
    loudly, my tongue turning sour.
    I had lost my appetite.
  • Just praise me in advance…
    Those were the words that woke me in
    the very hours of the day and I just had
    to forgo my sleep and started to thank
    I had woken up with a start and there
    was a kind of peppery sensation in my
    I was so shocked and surprised that I
    felt that way because I had not taken
    beans or its products during the day
    neither did I eat heavily at night. Even
    if I did, I wasn’t suffering from
    heartburn or asthma so what was the
    problem with me?
    Throwing my beautiful, furry cover
    cloth aside, I stood up from the bed
    and scurried to the water dispenser. I
    pressed the ‘hot’ button because only
    hot substance could clear the rubbish
    that had gathered in my heart- I
    What is this oh God?
    Are you trying to say something to me?
    As the cup got filled up with the hot
    water, I looked over at the wall clock.
    Just 2.30a.m and I was awake…it was
    As I gulped the water down my throat
    and it burnt me right where it
    mattered, I looked up at the ceiling.
    Let me even give a thought to my life
    right now.
    Does my life even have direction at all?
    Does it even seem as if I am making
    headway at all?
    Something whispered to me so
    convincingly but quietly-
    ‘Count your blessings and it will
    surprise you what the Lord had done
    for you!’
    As I gulped the water down, it felt that
    I was gulping freshly ground pepper
    down my throat. The sensation did not
    subside. In fact, it became worse!
    Something was tightening round my
    neck- for real!
    Jesus! My Lord Jesus!
    Is this death? Is this what it means to
    I am but a child. Why do I feel this way
    oh God?
    I dropped the cup on the water
    dispenser and dragged myself back to
    the bed. My eyes dilated really badly.
    The hold on my neck tightened and my
    eyes became teary. As I gasped for
    breath, almost surrendering to
    whatever force it was, I fell to my
    knees, holding my neck in anguish and
    “God have mercy” I cried out on my
    knees, my voice already going croaky.
    You are in the right position to pray!
    The voice was distinct and I wasn’t sure
    if that was God or my conscience.
    To pray and this is what I’ve got?
    That’s the mistake you make daughter.
    When you pray, you are not doing God
    any good but yourself!
    Who holds your life in His hands?
    “It’s God. Only God does” I said weakly
    Who can kill both the body and the
    “It’s God alone” I moaned
    All the leadership positions you have
    held since your primary school days
    were made possible because of whom?
    “It’s because of God o. Who am i? Who
    am i?”
    I started crying.
    The realization suddenly dawned on
    me that God had woken me up in the
    night to pray and because of the pains;
    I had reflected over my life and
    concluded that I had really achieved
    nothing in life which God found wrong.
    If I had woken you up without you
    having any discomfort, would you have
    Would you find yourself crying and
    praying fervently as you do now?
    “No sir. Oh my Lord! I am sorry. I
    never realized that I had created no
    time out to hear you. I am sorry Lord” I
    cried still.
    God was speaking to me!
    It felt so real!
    It had never ever happened to me
    before and I was thrilled.
    I listened and listened again but I heard
    no voice again. The discomfort had
    gone and I was wide awake.
    I started to cry.
    I really hadn’t taken God seriously in
    my life before this time- just the
    ceremonial devotion thing and
    ceremonial activities of going to the
    church and all that.
    I had always had almost everything on
    a platter of gold- everything I had
    achieved had been in an easy way.
    I graduated with the best WAEC and
    NECO results in the whole federation
    and I had been on different forms of
    scholarships till I graduated from the
    University of Kent, Canterbury.
    Afterwards, I graduated as the second
    best student in the University of Kent
    and I proceeded to Harvard University
    on recommendation and by merit.
    I decided to have another Master’s
    degree because I felt time was still on
    my mind and I wanted more certificates
    and all- I had that at the Kwame
    Nkrumah University of Science and
    Technology, Ghana- on scholarship
    My parents had really never spent
    money on education for me. I had
    always been their pride- though I never
    exhibited pride or anything of such.
    I just felt I was just being favored but I
    had never ascribed all the glory to God!
    It escaped my mind that every little
    success that a child of God gets are as a
    result of the backing of the Almighty
    God and that we were supposed to
    send the glory back to Him for all He’d
    I started all over again, thanking him
    for my past successes, my parents, my
    siblings, my students, and oh mine oh
    mine, I had enough things to thank God
    It was really shocking that I had that
    much to thank Him for when I thought
    I had never experienced His touch in a
    long time.
    …and oh the peace that followed!
    The joy from the over two hours’
    thanksgiving prayer session I had
    lingered for hours as everyone could
    notice it. I wore a very beautiful smile
    throughout the day- it was like a
    permanent plastic surgery!
    “I would go to the school’s studio to
    have a photo-shoot after the school
    activities because the smile sure fitted
    me” I had thought to myself.
    I had just ended a lecture with the
    300Level Students and as I left the
    class, I hung my school bag around my
    neck and bounced out of the social
    science block.
    “Aunty Tomboy looks really glad today
    That was what my very sharp ears
    heard as I walked down the park to get
    my car.
    “Abi, she’s falling in love ni?” another
    voice asked and I heard a chorus,
    scornful laughter.
    “Love ke. Abeg jhur…the only thing I
    like about the woman is that she sabi
    teach. Ah, if it’s that one, I give it to
    her. But romance, love, marriage,
    mba!” another person said
    My heart started to race as I struggled
    within my heart about what to do.
    Should I look back at the students and
    shout at them to stop it?
    That wouldn’t be good because if I
    should sight them, I would so hate
    them uncontrollably!
    Should I hear more from them?
    That won’t be nice!
    It’s better to just intensify my footsteps
    and disappear from them.
    But I didn’t obey that instinct. I wanted
    to have more of their stories.
    “Who does she remind you of?” one
    asked again
    “Hmmm, let’s say Serena Williams”
    another answered
    “Yes! That’s very correct! I had never
    even thought about it that much” the
    third person said
    “She definitely works out. All these
    hard jobs, you know? Weight lifting
    and all…” one was saying again and I
    balled my fist in anger.
    See how these children are finishing
    me- right in my presence!
    I could hear them very clearly.
    Did they think I was a dummy or a deaf
    They were not even making attempts to
    reduce their voices.
    Work out?
    Weight lifting?
    What did they know about me?
    Was that how bad I now look?
    These students could so kill somebody
    o. they could show me love like
    anything in the class and outside the
    classroom, my stature was being
    Nawa o!
    “So, except she becomes a baby mama
    or she marries James Bond o, forget
    marriage jhur. Who wants to marry big
    hefty mama and call her wife” they said
    again and I was mad.
    I just walked really fast towards my
    car, opened and entered.
    My head was in a kind of disorder.
    There were stuffs like cobwebs hanging
    as curtains in the room of my head and
    I couldn’t think straight.
    I placed my head on the steering and it
    took loud, repeated knocks from some
    passers-by at my car door to raise my
    head up again.
    What was the problem?
    My head that was on the steering had
    caused the horn to be blaring loudly
    and the parking lot was in disarray as
    all eyes were on me.
    I just bowed and waved in apology!
    The joy that I had started the day with
    had melt away like a candle beside the
    I needed to just leave this place- but
    where to?
    I was confused and afraid and
    discouraged and all but I didn’t know
    the right thing to do.
    I zipped my school bag and brought out
    my hand mirror, opened and checked
    myself out.
    I wasn’t that bad- in fact, I was so so
    Or maybe it was a full mirror I needed.
    I turned the ignition key and drove off
    to the bank beside the Accounting
    Let me quickly have a look at myself in
    a large mirror because it seemed my
    bathroom mirror had lost its potency
    and accuracy.
    The bank building was glassy so, I
    could just use the opportunity to use
    the ATM and have a good look at
    There was no queue.
    Thank God.
    I moved to an ATM slot and stayed in
    front of it.
    I had grown really fat!
    See my chest, oh my goodness!
    I am really a gorilla with this hairy face
    of mine.
    What do I do?
    No wonder my straight skirt could not
    fit in properly this morning. I
    condemned about four skirts before I
    was able to select the one I eventually
    I withdrew some cash and returned to
    the car.
    While in the car, I quickly switched on
    my Wi-Fi and switched on my phone’s
    data connection.
    I was going to search for her!
    What was that name again?
    I racked my brain so much…
    Oops, my brain…was I getting old that
    this brain no longer wanted to obey
    Yes! Serena Williams.
    Google search loading…
    I clicked on the images and looked at
    She was exactly my look-alike!
    I started saving some of the images of
    the gowns she wore to special
    Even if they were not too decent, I
    would make mine decent
    Done and dusted, I smiled to myself as I
    adjusted the rare mirror.
    I was not going to the studio anymore
    because my plastic surgery smile had
    even disappeared, so of what use
    would the photo-shoot be?
    It was time to change the course…
    I decided to go to the —
    Boutique to pick up some beautiful
    and then…
    The Gym Centre!
    I zoomed away with such great alacrity
    and determination because contrary to
    those students’ prediction, I wanted
    marriage- a very beautiful, romantic,
    godly, heaven-bound marriage at that!
    May God help me.
  • THE END.